L, Light and the Dentist
by ThornLeaf
Summary: It was just an average day for Light. Waking up next to his insomniac jailer, getting dressed and preparing for a day of "Kira hunting". But today is a little different. Today L has an appointment with a specialist he has neglected to see for too long...


**Hey Hey!**

**Happy birthday L! (well, 31****st**** October…) If anyone feels the need to go out and write a fabulously juicy yaoi fic in celebration, be my guest – just make sure you tell me. **

**Please enjoy this simple crack one-shot, and if ya hate the hell out of it, feel free to flame me and tell me I suck. I may actually agree. This is, after all, a repost of mine from the ol' vault. Cheers!**

Light was confused when he entered the building to a brightly light reception area. L walked beside him, absentmindedly chewing on his thumb. The only sign of his discomfort was his darting eyes, resting on anything but the desk directly in front of them. Light didn't know where they were (apparently just because they were chained together while he was under constant observation, he didn't need to know everything about L's life, thank you very much) but as they approached the desk, and received a huge, 1000-watt smile from the pretty receptionist, it clicked into place.

"Oh" he said softly, "the dentist".

Suddenly, a massive ball of happiness swelled inside him, and it took all of his acting skills, shaped to perfection since a very young age, not to burst out laughing or let a smile grace his face. He felt happy, joyful, and as light as air – more positive than he had in a long time. All because the Great L, his arch nemesis, the genius extraordinaire, was afraid of the dentist. And it didn't take a genius to figure out why.

"Hello, sir, welcome back" the receptionist said, taking in her stride the lack of attention. Clearly they'd been there before. "Will your friend require a service also? Mr. Watari was unable to confirm the details"

"Uh, I, um" L stuttered, going a light pink, clearly embarrassed

"No, I had a checkup just recently" Light stepped in smoothly, flashing a smile of his own, perfect teeth glinting in the artificial light, giving a wink. The receptionist blushed slightly, her head ducking, causing her childish pigtails to bob and flutter.

"Well then sirs, feel free to take a seat to your left. Doctor Jeevas will be with you shortly"

"Thank you"

L moved quickly to the nearest seat, jumping onto it and turning around to face the room like a cat getting comfy. His manner was again calm; his face back to its normal pale hue, but his eyes remained crazed, like a boxed animal just waiting to be killed.

"L, calm down" Light said soothingly, biting back his incredulous disbelief at the irrational fear, "you brush your teeth 4 times a day, there is no way you'll need surgery. Besides, you're teeth seem perfectly fine last time I checked them." He leaned his head closer to the scruffy black mane, a seductive twinkle in his eye. Light figured it was in his favor to help L out – who wouldn't want to give a blowjob later tonight to a supportive boyfriend?

"On the contrary, Light" L near-whispered, "my sugar intake is almost 340% higher than the national average for men of my age and body weight, rendering my personal attempts at extra dental hygiene 38% ineffective, and increasing my chance of cavities by 45.2%."

His left hand resting on his knee twitched.

"That and I haven't been to the dentist in a while."

He almost choked on the last word and his eye gave a small twitch. Light was impressed. The fear radiating off his jailer was incredible and even now he could see L's hand twitching to reach into his left pocket, where Light knew there were emergency sugar filled breath mints.

"Well then, what can I do to help?" Lights voice deepened, and the happy bubble swelled.

"L? Doctor Jeevas will see you in room B301. Please follow me."

The dental nurse before them was of medium build with a halo of golden hair framing his face in a well maintained bob. As they walked up a flight of stairs, he reached into the pocket of his lab coat to withdraw a foil-covered chocolate bar. Light looked to his side to see L's eyes transfixed, his mouth wobbling and hands shaking as he watched the nurse unwrap a corner and bite off a large slab, satisfying _crack_ echoing around the room. Light grabbed L around the waist just in time, as he pounced towards the sugar and against Lights restraining hold.

Quickly Light maneuvered them around and opened the door nearest to them, throwing them both inside. L's strength was immense in his desperation and Light quickly shut the door with a loud _bang!_ And threw himself against it. There was now Light, a door, and presumably a pissed off male dentil nurse between L and the chocolate, but the detective for once abandoned logic and tried to force Light aside and open the door.

It was rather dim in their enclosed space and Light immediately realized they were in a broom cupboard of some sort. It was a rather spacious broom cupboard, he mused, but not for long as L's hand collided painfully with the underside of his jaw.

Outside the door, the dentil nurse stood with hands on hips, glaring at the closed door like it had killed his best friend. Muffled thumps could be heard and the door seemed to shudder sporadically, as if behind it a caged animal was beating against it in desperation.

He'd read this patient's file, and beaming at his own metaphor, he realized that an animal was exactly what L now was. Grinning, he walked off towards the required room, amazed at his own intelligence. Mello had known exactly what he'd been doing, opening that chocolate bar before a sugar-addicted young man. He knew L would pounce, Light would restrain, and if his predictions were correct, they would now be bangin' around in a broom cupboard for quite some time. He quickened his pace, calculating how much time he had before they would finish, and how he would spend this time with, ahem, _Dr. _Jeevas.

Light grappled with L's flying fists and dancing feet, somehow managing to hold him off and away from the doorknob. He grabbed at both L's hands and secured both wrists. He quickly pulled his arms and shoved his body till L was pinned against the door with his hands above his head. The energy was thick between them and, looking down at the captured, panting, ravenous and enraged L pinned at his mercy, Light quickly used the deductive reasoning he was famous for and came up (ha-ha) with a new plan. Sex.

He slammed his body against L's and kissed him ferociously, receiving the same amount of pressure and urgency. Letting go of L's hands to run his hands up his shirt and across his body, hips grinding and already sweaty. L grabbed onto Lights butt and growled, slipping a hand past the belt, trousers, tucked in shirt _and_ boxers to slide his finger down the crevasse.

Light bit his next hard, and then went completely still, a flash of brilliance freezing his movements. Grabbing the arms around his waist, he yanked them up and stood gripping L's forearms. He broke away from their kiss and looked him straight in the eye.

"We're going to be late for your appointment"

Fear flashed in the obsidian orbs and L let out a small moan, not entirely pleasure induced.

"Light-kun, please" he whined, head sagging in comic dejection. "We don't have to go anywhere, why can't we just stay here and shag? There is a 72% chance we can make it last long enough and convince Watari I went at saw Jeevas, no one has to know…"

"Ah, but _I_ would know. And as an incentive to me being here, I'll strike you a deal."

Light moved forward and lightly rested his hand on L's crouch, now completely half-mast after the reminder of where they actually where.

"You see this Dr. Jeevas, and then we'll come straight back here and I'll shag you. Agreed?"

"But Light-kun-"

Light pressed his hand harder and moved his head to lick a broad strip on L's neck, to stand with his lips inches away from L's earlobe, breathing hotly down his neck.

"Agreed?"

L sighed and seemed to physically drop back to his negative posture and half-closed eyelids.

"Agreed" he said, the picture of dejection.

They both moved to straighten themselves up, Light tucking in his shirt and brushing back his hair and L jamming his hands into his pockets and hunching his shoulders more. They moved out into the corridor – brightly lit compared to their dim and smoking love shack – and continued onwards, Light tugging their chain every now and then (they were both so used to it, they hardly remembered it was there). 5 minutes of tugging later, they reached B301, a full 20 minutes late.

Light reached over and opened the door, pushing it open to reveal what appeared to be the male nurse from earlier molesting another body in the dentist chair. Light "ahemed" and they sprang apart in a flurry of lab coats an unkempt hair – oh yea, Light knew what that was about.

The dentist was a very tall and lanky fellow with red hair and freckles. The long sleeves of his stripy undershirt were poking out of his official-looking white lab coat and his name badge simply read "Matt". His altogether unkempt appearance did nothing for L's nerves, who seemed to shrink back from this display of an unprofessional professional, murmuring "my faith in this system has been lost".

"Matt" coughed, and scratching his ear underneath the flaming hair that matched his cheeks said "Well, yea, sorry about that. I'm Matt, or Dr. Jeevas as the plaque on the door says. Um, do you wanna, like, take a seat?"

L shuffled forward and stood by the chair, looking like a statue as he gazed at the instruments lined up in a neat row on a little table and the white pristine napkin waiting to go around his neck. He tentatively turned and sat on the side of the chair, looked at Light with a pleading stare, then promptly fainted.

Dr Jeevas looked shocked, yet stood there motionless without offering assistance while a muttered "lightweight" was heard from the corner where the dentil nurse was leaning over the sink. Light rushed forward and lay L down properly on the elongated chair.

"I actually think this is the best thing that could have happened" Light said, still leaning over passed out L, "You may as well just do what you have to do now, while he's unconscious. Are you aware that his daily sugar intake is 340% higher than the national average for men of his age and weight bracket?"

[][][][]

L awoke in Lights arms feeling half dead and drugged. He swayed slightly and gave a groan of pain when he bumped his head into Light's chest. It was then that he realized his mouth was full of cotton and he had a bandaged wrapped around his chin and head.

"Easy there, L" Light said softly, noticing his charge was awake. "You fainted, but they were still able to check you out."

L tried to say "You let them molest me in my unconsciousness?" but was unable to, instead just mumbling and groaning in a gibberish nonsense.

"You had a total of 7 cavities. They had to strip all your teeth, whiten them, and apply a gel coat to protect them against all that sugar you're bound to eat next week when you're all better" Light said, as the maneuvered past a white haired boy in pajamas playing with Lego on the floor of the waiting room. He nodded to the receptionist and winked again, heedless of the fact that L could see his face or that the receptionist's neckline had plunged dramatically since they first walked in.

"And they also said to stick to baby food for the next 3 days, stuff that's easy to swallow that you don't need to chew." His next nod was for Watari, who opened the limo door and held it there while Light carefully climbed inside and lay L down on the overly-long seat.

"But what they didn't say was what an awesomely handsome and caring boyfriend slash murder suspect you have" Said Light, lightly straddling L to keep him from falling off. "Or that he wouldn't give you a blowjob to make you feel better"

Light's head moved to nuzzle his neck, right under the ridiculous bandage while his hands got to work on L's belt buckle. L was soon distracted from his head pains as Light sucked him off, and was soon again whimpering as he was handled very smoothly and with much care. Light bobbed up and down the shaft, taking his time and playing with the smooth sacks hanging down behind the large member. He dragged his teeth up and down, sucked, moaned and generally tried to eat L's dick in a display of invalid care and lapped up the juices as they came – rather quickly too.

He didn't mind that he had to spend the rest of the ride with a hard on (L had fallen asleep after) or that they didn't get to bang in a broom cupboard like he'd always wanted to. His mind was calculating and the small negatives were virtually nothing compared with the extremely happy bubble that was still inside his chest and still about to burst.

L was going to owe him big time. And Light's horny, adolescent mind knew exactly what that entailed. Smirking, he checked his watch, pulling at the small screw three times. Hello Kira, I'm home!

**Enjoyed? Then Review! Happy Birthday to our darling L!**

**ThornLeaf**


End file.
